In play therapy, we often focus on strategies to encourage engagement and build trust when a child refuses to attend a session. However, it’s equally important to recognize what not to do in these situations. A misstep can reinforce resistance, damage trust, or even create unnecessary power struggles. Here are some key things to avoid when a child refuses to attend their play therapy session.
1. Don’t Take It Personally
A child’s refusal to come to therapy is rarely about you. It’s easy to feel frustrated or question your approach, but resistance often stems from factors beyond the therapist’s control—such as anxiety, fear of change, past experiences, or difficulties in their day. Taking it personally can lead to unnecessary self-doubt or even frustration that the child may pick up on.
2. Don’t Force or Pressure the Child
Forcing or coercing a child into the therapy room can create a power struggle and may ultimately reinforce their resistance. Children in therapy, especially those with trauma histories, need to feel that they have control over their experiences. If they feel backed into a corner, they may withdraw further or develop negative associations with the therapy space.
3. Avoid Over-Explaining or Rationalizing
It’s tempting to explain why therapy is important or why the child should attend, especially when caregivers or school staff are involved. However, too much talking—especially when the child is already in a resistant state—can increase their anxiety or make them feel even more pressured. Instead of lengthy explanations, simple, calm statements acknowledging their feelings can be far more effective.
4. Don’t Let Others Handle It Poorly
Sometimes, well-meaning teachers, parents, or school staff may try to intervene by using bribery, threats, or excessive persuasion. Phrases like “If you don’t go, you won’t get screen time later” or “Come on, just try, you have to” can make the child feel like therapy is a chore or punishment rather than a safe space. If necessary, gently guide the adults involved to take a different approach.
5. Don’t Dismiss the Refusal as Just ‘Defiance’
It’s easy to assume that a child who refuses is simply being oppositional, but refusal is often a form of communication. A child may be expressing discomfort, fear, or a need for control. Dismissing their resistance as defiance without exploring the underlying cause can lead to missed opportunities for deeper therapeutic work.
6. Don’t Immediately Abandon the Session
While you shouldn’t force the child to participate, completely giving up on the session right away might reinforce the idea that avoiding therapy is an option. Instead, be flexible—sometimes meeting them where they are (literally and emotionally), adjusting the environment, or offering a different kind of engagement (e.g., talking outside the therapy room) can open the door to participation.
7. Don’t Assume This Means Therapy Isn’t Working
A refusal doesn’t mean therapy is failing. In fact, resistance can be a sign of progress—it may indicate that difficult emotions are surfacing or that the child is testing whether the therapist will remain consistent and accepting. Instead of seeing it as a setback, consider it a moment of potential growth and trust-building.
Final Thoughts
Resistance in play therapy is normal, and how we handle it matters. By avoiding force, frustration, or over-explaining, and instead focusing on patience, curiosity, and flexibility, we can turn moments of refusal into opportunities for deeper understanding.
Have you encountered resistance in your play therapy practice? What strategies have you found helpful? Let’s keep the conversation going.
Szilvia Veber PGDip
Certified Play Therapist
Member of the PTUK & PTI ( A Registry Approved by the PSA)