As play therapists, we’re often immersed in the deeply emotional world of our young clients. Children, unlike adults, express their feelings in ways that are more fluid, direct, and sometimes surprising. One moment that can catch therapists off guard is when a child looks at you and says, “I love you.”
For some, this phrase may seem loaded with meaning. After all, in adult relationships, the words “I love you” are often tied to romantic feelings. But when a child utters these words in the context of therapy, the meaning is profoundly different, rooted in trust, safety, and connection.
The Context of “I Love You” in Play Therapy
Children come to therapy with a variety of emotional needs—many seeking a space where they feel heard, safe, and supported. Play therapy allows them to express their inner world through creative and symbolic play, often leading to a powerful connection with the therapist.
When a child says “I love you,” it’s rarely, if ever, about romance. Instead, it’s a reflection of the deep attachment that has developed through the therapeutic process. This connection is vital for their emotional growth, and the child may use “I love you” to express a sense of safety, care, or comfort that they haven’t felt elsewhere.
What “I Love You” Can Mean in Therapy
Trust and Security: For many children, trusting an adult can be difficult, especially if they’ve experienced trauma or emotional neglect. When they say “I love you,” it’s often their way of acknowledging that they feel safe and understood in the therapeutic space. They’ve developed trust in their therapist and are expressing appreciation for the sense of security this relationship provides.
Gratitude and Affection: Some children have never experienced unconditional positive regard before coming to therapy. A child may say “I love you” as a form of gratitude for the care and attention they’ve received. In their world, love may be synonymous with attention, kindness, and consistency.
An Expression of Connection: For younger children, the word “love” might simply be the closest word they know to express a positive connection. They may use it to convey that they feel close to the therapist or that they enjoy spending time together. This feeling doesn’t carry the complexity that it would in an adult relationship; rather, it’s a simple, heartfelt expression of the bond that’s been built.
How Play Therapists Should Respond
While the words “I love you” may elicit a natural emotional reaction, play therapists must respond in a way that maintains appropriate boundaries while still validating the child’s feelings. It’s essential to remember that this moment is not about the therapist but about the child’s attempt to express something meaningful.
A response might sound like:
“Thank you for sharing that with me. I care about you too, and I’m here to help you.”
“I’m glad you feel safe here. It’s important to me that you feel comfortable.”
These responses acknowledge the child’s emotional expression without encouraging dependency or confusing the therapeutic relationship. It helps reinforce the child’s understanding that the therapist is a supportive adult in their life, rather than someone filling a personal emotional void.
Managing Boundaries in the Therapeutic Relationship
One of the key roles of a therapist is to model healthy emotional boundaries. While it’s important to validate a child’s feelings, it’s equally crucial to ensure that the therapeutic relationship remains professional and grounded. Children benefit from understanding that the therapeutic space is a unique kind of relationship—one built on care and trust but distinct from personal or familial relationships.
When children say “I love you” in therapy, it can also be an opportunity to gently explore what they mean by “love.” Some questions that can help explore their emotions might be:
“What does love mean to you?”
“What makes you feel loved?”
“Who else in your life do you say ‘I love you’ to?”
This can open a meaningful conversation about the child’s experiences with love and connection, helping the therapist understand their emotional world more deeply.
Conclusion: Embracing the Depth of a Child’s Emotions
In play therapy, when a child says, “I love you,” it is a reflection of their emotional growth, trust, and connection within the therapeutic space. It’s a phrase that carries different meanings depending on the child’s age, background, and emotional state. As therapists, it’s our job to embrace these moments with empathy and understanding while ensuring that we maintain the therapeutic boundaries that foster a healthy, supportive environment for the child.
Ultimately, these words—though often loaded with complex connotations in adult life—are simply another way a child reaches out to express their feelings. As therapists, being attuned to the various meanings behind “I love you” allows us to support the child’s emotional journey while reinforcing the safety and structure of the therapeutic relationship.